“The Wells’s Are Not So Well-Off” by Maya Ocasio

In society we see the rich as posh, stuck-up people. We seem to envy them. We want to have their success (or their trust funds). Yet, shockingly, they’re pretty messed up and probably having existential crises as well. The Well-Off screw up, they face struggles, and their lives are kind of like the rest of society— just with millions of dollars and a self-driving Tesla. To prove this to you, let’s look at the crazy life of one of these “Well-Off” families— the Wells’s family…

[Laine Wells]: “I’m cooommmingggg!” Looks at her phone and addresses the thousands on her livestream. ”Sorry my guys and gals, I just have to grab my Olive Garden really quick, then we can get back to questions! Love you all, wait one sec!” She sets her phone on the side table near the door.

The scene opens upon the foyer of a house. The doorbell rings. A girl (the youngest daughter, age 15) comes downstairs the winding staircase, racing towards the door.

Laine reaches the door and opens it to reveal the DoorDash guy and her Olive Garden takeout.

[Laine Wells]: “Oh my gosh— finally! Thank you so much, my friend! I’m starving!”

[DoorDash Guy]: Looks at her, takes a quick glance inside the house, which he is pretty sure is a manor. “Ummmm, sure no problem.”

Laine takes the food, but realizes a part of her order is missing.

[Laine Wells]:Eh-Ehm, my friend, I asked specifically for two extra breadsticks and another container of marinara sauce in my order…”

[DoorDash Guy]: Oh, sorry about that, miss. I’m just the delivery service, I could take it back though.”

Laine stares at the guy in frustration.

[Laine Wells]: “Look… How hard is it to add two extra breadsticks and a container of marinara sauce in an Olive Garden order?

The DoorDash guy also begins to lose his patience.

[DoorDash Guy]: “I have no idea, miss, like I said I am just the delivery service guy, I don’t work at the restaurant. Doesn’t Olive Garden give you free breadsticks with a meal anyway?”

[Laine Wells]: “Yes, but I wanted two extra ones and more sauce. Ugh!”

[DoorDash Guy]: stares at her in disbelief. “Would you like me to take it back?”

[Laine Wells]: begins to shout. “No, I said I was starving! I want a full refund!

[DoorDash Guy]: “I don’t think they can refund you for the whole meal, just for the extra charge of breadsticks”

[Laine Wells]: “I thought you didn’t work there!”

[DoorDash Guy]: “I don’t.”

[Laine Wells]: hysterically screams. “THEN YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUT YOUR OPINION IN THIS— YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T EVEN WANT IT ANYMORE— TAKE IT!

Laine rips open the bag and dumps the marinara container on the DoorDash guy and thrusts the rest of the take-out bags at him.

[DoorDash Guy]: Looks down at his now stained marinara sauce shirt. His face shows no sign of surprise, only barely concealed anger. “Have a nice day, miss.”

The DoorDash guy begins to walk back down the sidewalk to the circular driveway where his bike is parked.

[Laine Wells]: “HEY, WAIT. I WASN’T DONE TALKING!”

The DoorDash guy keeps on walking and mumbles to himself.

[DoorDash Guy]: And she said she was starving. Funny, how this isn’t the weirdest thing that’s happened to me today.” 

Laine steps back into the house and slams the door closed.

[Laine Wells]: Ugh! Now what am I going to eat! She reaches for her phone but finds that the wi-fi has cut out and because of it she is no longer live on her livestream. “Seriously, could this day get any worse!”

Scene ends.

Laine, of course, is not the only member of the Wells’s family. She has three older siblings, Kenneth Wells (in his last year of highschool) and Rachel Wells (in her second year of college), Theodore “Teddy” Wells (just one year older than herself), and her parents Lillian Wells ( and Ritch Wells (a CEO for a large corporate company). The family just so happens to be having a family dinner that same evening of Laine’s DoorDash incident (which also happens to be on a Friday).

The scene opens on the Wells’s family dining room and the family in mid-conversation.

[Ritch Wells]:“—must bring your grades up, son. You want to graduate don’t you?”

[Kenneth Wells]: Rolls his eyes “Dad, that’s what I’m trying to—”

[Lillian Wells]: Do not roll your eyes at your father.”

[Kenneth Wells]:What?! I didn’t!”

[Teddy Wells]:“You did.”

[Rachel Wells]:“Mmmm. You did.”

[Kenneth Wells]: “Butt out, I’m talking to mom!”

[Laine Wells]: Laine suddenly looks up from her phone, which she has been staring at since the start of dinner. “Huh? Your butt is talking to mom?”

Theodore “Teddy” laughs and chokes on his sparkling water.

[Lillian Wells]:“Honey, maybe if you weren’t so absorbed in your phone, you could join the conversation without being so confused as to what we were talking about.”

[Laine Wells]: “But, mom! I’m trying to apologize to my followers. They could hear my blow-up with the DoorDash guy during my livestream before the wi-fi went out! My reputation is ruined!”

[Teddy Wells]:“Ha! What reputation?”

[Laine Wells]: Gasps. “Excuse me?!”

[Ritch Wells]: “Alright, all of you stop this. That’s enough.”

[Laine Wells]: “Dad I was just-”

[Ritch Wells]: “Enough!”

[Teddy Wells]: “Sheesh, what’s up with him?”

[Ritch Wells]: “Teddy say one more thing…”

The Wells’s dinner table fell abruptly into silence. Ritch Wells took a deep breath and began to speak.

[Ritch Wells]: “We’ve actually run into some family trouble…”

Again, everyone once began to talk over one another.

[Lillian Wells]: “What kind of trouble…?”

[Rachel Wells]: “This is coming up now?”

[Laine Wells]: “Oh my gosh, are we moving? But I love this house!”

[Teddy Wells]: “This is great, we need some stirring up, actually.”

[Kenneth Wells]: “..You said what?”

[Ritch Wells]: Losing his temper, he shouts over them. “OUR FAMILY IS BEING SUED! THERE!”

After another abrupt silence, Teddy speaks.

[Teddy Wells]: “And so the Wells’s family pot is finally stirred..”

Scene ends.

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